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Archive for January, 2012

Day Eight – Friday, January 20,2012 – I have returned from my perilous journey to the mailbox (entry Thursday, January 19, 2012).  I now know how Hannibal felt crossing the Alps.  Midway I would have traded my kingdom for an elephant, snow shoes, perhaps my own personal sherpa.  To add insult to injury, there was no ValuPak in the box, not even my weekly plea from AARP.  However, as my good fortune would have it, I was delivered from my peril this very day by an angel; one with many years of snow driving experience and the foresight to park her car at the bottom of her road near the regularly plowed highway.  No, it was not DZ (who came to my aid last year, but who, as I write this, is sitting with her sister, the lovely Fabienne, in Castres (that would be in France)).  Mangez quelque chose décadent pour moi, s’il vous plaît.

Today it was the Angel Fell who came to my door bearing heirloom oranges, fresh spinach, kale, and apples.  At first I thought I was hallucinating again, but when I pinched her and she winced, I knew she was real.  So, once again, I have been saved by the kindness of a friend.  They grow wild here on the island.

The temperature has risen this day, the trees have dropped most of their white burden, the icicles on the gutters are mere nubs, and there should be more in the way of warmer, rain filled days to come.  I hope to be out of the woods by Sunday.  I’ve got some serious catching up to do with the guys down at Local Grown.

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Day One – Friday, January 13, 2012 – Time being of the essence, I prepare for the onslaught of a winter storm of  purported biblical proportions, and make my way to Prairie Center Red Apple to forage for food.  The only familiar face I see among the foragers is good friend, Jay; whose bronzed skin from months in Colombia, stands out from the pasty complexioned folks who have weathered the island during the months when the sun hibernates like some great…hibernating beast.  Unfortunately for Jay, someone seeking a vast supply of the precious liquid beat him to the well with ten jugs to fill.  In his jet lagged state, Jay doesn’t consider the consequences of his action and he walks away; believing there will be another day.  I, too, bedazzled by the occasional appearance of blue sky these last few weeks, and my own positive (some would say naive, others might say downright irritating) outlook and daily mantra “This is going to be an easy winter,” did not consider just how much I should forage; leaving with but a few packs of nuts and berries in my eco-friendly satchel.  Little did I know that Jay “Livingstone” Hinchey would be the last person I set eyes on.

Day Two –  Saturday, January 14, 2012 –  Berries and nuts are almost gone.  Snow hasn’t begun to fall.  My life may be in serious jeopardy.

Day Three – Sunday, January 15, 2012 – Sometime during the night, when sleep overcame me and snatched me from my watch, snow fell.  It’s glaring white presence mocks my mantra.  Before I eat my last orange, I Google scurvy.

Day Four – Monday, January 16, 2012 –  I have seen no other living beings; oh, how long has it been?  I count the scratches on the door: One, two, three, four days now.  Weak and overcome by hallucinations, I find myself in the tool shed pondering the pros and cons of donning my pink hard hat and using the trash can lid to slide down the road to the fields of the property.  I must learn to hunt if I want to survive; being a vegetarian will make hunting a difficult choice; however, I set out a plate of bird seed within reach of the back door and I wait.

Day Five – Tuesday, January 17, 2012 – I wake to my own screams.  I can only surmise my hysteria is caused by one of three things:  lack of social interaction, chocolate deprivation, or having watched a score  of British mini-series for more than 15 hours – straight.   Heathcliff has merged with the good Daniel Deronda, Soames of the Forsytes is living at Downton Abbey; Upstairs is Downstairs.  I Google madness.

Day Six – Wednesday, January 18, 2012 – Food supply nearly depleted. There are things I must tell you before it’s too late.  If I were a woman of means and had WordPress Pro, I would leave you a video tutorial, but, alas, I am  not and have not.   I have mentioned these most important life lessons in my prior entries, but will reiterate them here for my less than brilliant readers, and those who will not take the time to revisit my cautionary tales since my arrival to the woods.  Take no offense, for I am sure I am fevered and rambling at this point.

Always check your boots before inserting your feet.   Keep your tools sharp – no one likes a dull hoer.  After three pulls on a lawnmower cord, yell M@)#*%!!!!er and it will start.  Duct tape will solve every problem.  Even if it costs you a fortune to buy a gutter cleaning kit so you can do it yourself, buy it (but only once).  If someone offers you a sail boat to use as a planter, check its value first before drilling holes in the bottom.  Always walk backwards when using a propane flame thrower to kill weeds embedded in your rock driveway or your rubber soled shoes will melt and stick to the rocks.   I’m still pretty sure it’s all about the “goop.”  Stinging nettles really do “sting.”    And the seasons they go up and down, and I’ve seen fire and rain…Alice, over here.  Oh, dear, I see a Cheshire cat.  Must end for now… “Here kitty…”

Day Seven – Thursday, January 19, 2012 – The snow keeps falling and falling and falling.  I don’t know if my little hamlet of Coupeville even exists anymore.  I must bundle myself up and try to make my way down the road to the mail box.  Perhaps there is good news from the outside world.  The thought that  my ValuPak coupon book may have arrived brings me the will to live.  I don my Eddie Bauer -30 degree winter coat, my hat, gloves; lace up my Montrail  Gore-Tex winter boots, say goodbye to my humble abode and trek out into the brilliant white wilderness.   Some would have done this by car, but believing my mantra, I left my car down on the property and the snow pack has rendered it useless, which if you read last winter’s entries you would know isn’t a first for me.  Make sure you put that on the list of things to remember…something about the car and snow…just in case I don’t make it back.   Here I go….

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