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Archive for November, 2011

Happy Thanksgiving

Last weekend friends gathered at the home of Lew and Akemi to join in a pre Thanksgiving celebration.  At some point between the champagne toast to friends and the holidays and the whiskey laden pecan pies, the conversation turned to the first Thanksgiving.    History, being based on interpretation, which is a notion that adds weight to my belief  – You don’t need a good memory if you’ve got a good imagination – many theories (other than the singular one posed in American history books) were expounded about how the first Thanksgiving looked and why it took place at all.   Pretty soon, knives and forks were laid out on the table to make a point…something about a car accident and the four different stories of how it happened from the perspective of four different onlookers.  And then somehow the conversation went back in time, poor Chris Columbus thrown into the mix, and I could feel the stuffing I had consumed start to tangle with the cranberries, and my mind wandered off, my historical timetable in a state of severe acid reflux. Wait, was I suffering low blood sugar or had someone insinuated Thanksgiving was little more than a Hallmark gimmick?

What about all the pilgrim hats I had made as a kid?  What about coexisting peacefully with Judy (who lived across the street and was always dressed as an Indian)?  What about the multitude of hand turkeys I had drawn and colored with my box of 64 Crayola crayons?  Had I been led astray by the Sisters of St. Louis?  Had I been living all this time in nothing more than the heart of a Hallmark hoax?

At home, I turned to the knower of all things…Google.  Yes, of course there was a first Thanksgiving in 1621. Pilgrms…check; Indians…check.  Oh my god!  There was no turkey!  No cranberries! No potatoes!  According to the knower of all things (with images included), the menu probably consisted of deer, duck, seafood, cabbage, squash, onions and  samp (ground corn).   And there was absolutely no mention of dessert!  What was there to be thankful for?

Oh, the Pilgrims surviving their first winter, the Wampanoag, Squanto in particular, teaching them how to plant crops…oh, their first successful harvest and the sharing of its rewards…oh, living in peaceful coexistence with each other.   Whatever the facts, their intention remains clear.   Happy Thanksgiving – one and all.

However, I think someone made a big mistake not turning that first Thanksgiving squash into a tasty pie.

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My New Winter Project

Forget the bird houses; into the tool shed goes the sorry gutter cleaning system; away with the stack of books I was going to read during the dark hours of winter.  I just read about a woman who was looking for someone to perform plastic surgery at a cheap price to give her a curvier body.  She found a woman posing as a doctor who filled her buttocks with cement, mineral oil and flat-tire sealant.  I just happen to have all of the necessary items on hand, and I figure it’s a win-win.   I don’t need a curvier body, but with my buttocks full of cement, I won’t have to wrestle with the bags of sand I usually put in the car to avoid sliding on those icy mornings.  

I know, I know…that’s usin’ the old noggin’.

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My Man Jack Irvin

Simply the best.

May he rest in peace.

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